LOVING SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T RECIPROCATE YOUR FEELINGS.

Remember that when someone is not interested in you, it’s a major red flag that signals that it’s time to come down to earth with a rather big bump. It’s important to let go of what you thought might be and see them in a real light. It’s natural to start picturing yourselves together when you feel interested in someone. However, if you don’t divorce yourself from this picture, you will cling to the illusion of them and stall the process of getting over them. Keep those feet firmly in reality and by loving yourself you’ll learn to accept that when they don’t love or want you, you don’t love or want them either.

It’s important to recognize that your feelings aren’t reciprocated and/or that you’re not in a relationship with them. If you’re still obsessing and trying to get them to reciprocate over an extended period of time, it’s a sign that you’re ignoring your intuition and fear. It’s one thing to have a crush, and it’s another to crush yourself in a self-destructive pursuit of pain. Letting go of a relationship can be painful, but it’s important to understand that whatever short-term stress or anguish you’re feeling will be worth it in the long run. We must accept the person we are in this moment and the way other people are, too. As time goes on, we continue to learn that things don’t always go as planned—actually, they pretty much never do. And that’s OK.

Loving others requires taking care of ourselves first. We all deserve the love of our intimate others and should be careful to choose partners whose love for us is a natural, abundant outpouring of their feelings and investment in us and our wellbeing. The desire to be loved—to the extent that it is fueled by any underlying agendas or feelings of isolation and loneliness—can be very problematic. It often turns a relationship into some version of, “I’ll scratch your back if you’ll scratch mine.” And love isn’t contractual.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who reciprocates your feelings and treats you with love and respect. Take care of yourself and focus on your own happiness.